It’s really no secret. I am not an overly social person. Dealing with people on a regular basis reinforces why I love my pets. When the dogs drive me crazy, I can tell them to sit down and shut up! It’s unfortunately frowned upon to treat the general public in the same manner. Just think of all the
peace and harmony amusement it would bring if we could tell the annoying people in our lives to “sit down and shut up.” Andi, you have a bad attitude. Yep! And it’s because of things like:
Standing in a line behind someone buying lottery tickets. All I want to do is pay for my gas, and go on with the rest of my day! If you insist on paying your portion of the idiot tax, kindly step your moronic rear-end out of the way while you decide how much cash to kiss goodbye. If willingly wasting money is that high on your priority list, pay for my fuel while you’re at it. Mmmmk?
Walking past smokers standing directly outside the front door of a public establishment. Seriously? If you wish to suck on a cancer stick, knock yourself out, but do not make me walk through your stench to get to where I’m going. It’s a no-brainer that I do not want the health hazards of being around the second-hand smoke, but the biggest annoyance is the fact that you smell like death. Attractive? I think not. You appear more like a grown adult who never got over the fact your momma took away your pacifier. OooooOOoooohh, you rebel. Voluntary gradual suicide…That’ll teach her! What’s that? You’re broke? Gee, I would be too if I made a habit of tossing my paycheck in the fireplace.
Finding out my Facebook news feed has been overrun by “obsessive insignificant posters”. You know the ones I’m talking about. They post every five minutes, and it’s about the most retarded parts of the day. “Just finished breakfast. It was sooooo good!” Listen, I know breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but… if you didn’t have a personal chef whip you up something fantastic out of bread, beer, canned Spam…if your significant other didn’t make you flaming waffles and serve them to you in bed…if you didn’t attempt to eat your Cheerios while doing yoga to improve your multitasking skills….IT’S NOT WORTH MENTIONING! Are you that desperate for attention? Do you think your friends have nothing better to do than read about your love affair with Cocoa Pebbles? May I suggest the next time you feel the need to announce to the world what you ate, and just how fantastic it really was, by all means Do It. At a restaurant. That’s right. Stand up in your booth. Heck, stand on the table if you’re really brave, and announce your critique of tonight’s dinner fare. All those weird stares you’re receiving? Consider that the people on the other side of the social media continuum have the exact same response. Bon Appetite!
Listening to folks who talk just to hear the sound of their own voice. Silence is golden.
Duct-tape is silver. Just because there happened to be a moment of quiet in the room, does not mean you were handed an open invitation to let everyone know you have a functioning pulse. Consider the words that are about to escape your lips. Are they necessary? Rambling on about Aunt Susie’s dog getting run over by Fred’s John Deere tractor on the Fourth of July in 1974 is in no way relevant to the board meeting in which you are currently seated. The next time you are in such a meeting, do yourself a favor by picking up your laptop and smashing yourself in the face with it, effectively registering your presence to all. This way, instead of all the participants fretting over the massive amount of oxygen you so willing consume, they can ponder the possibilities of you hitting yourself in the head too hard, thereby rendering you unconscious and hopefully unable to attend further meetings. (If you happen to not be in a meeting or if said laptop is not readily available, any hard, flat object will do the trick).
I’m sure we will tackle more annoying people in the days to come, so tell me.. What annoys you?