***Disclaimer: This was written a couple of months ago, but the principle of the thing remains the same. There are a few tweaks here and there from the original post on facebook.***
“What’s your sign?”
Have you ever been asked this? I have on a couple of occasions, and my immediate reaction is to respond with something like DO NOT ENTER. Come on… if you need to know my sign before you know my name, something is unbelievably wrong with your priorities.
Seriously though, what IS my sign?? For years Ive assumed it was Aries, but several months ago there was a big to-do about the earth shifting, or the planets shifting, or stars falling or an alien landing… Heck, I dunno. The point is SOMETHING moved out there, and as a result of said change, your sign…depending on your particular birthday…may or may not have changed. Confused yet? Yep! Me too! My birthday happened to fall into one of the “possibly shifting signs”. (I wish I could play the theme song to the Twilight Zone right now).
For now, let’s pretend I’m an Aries. I typed HOROSCOPE into a search engine and was immediately led to www.horoscope.com. Awesome. Should be a good place to start, right? I promptly clicked on Aries, and my entire future was revealed right in front of my eyes!!! ..well, sort of. This is what it said:
Latch on to the expansiveness that comes when you connect with others in a social arena, Aries. Communication is a key aspect of the day. If you go with the flow you will land exactly where you need to be. Take the adventurous route and skip around from one thing to another. There’s no need to pin yourself down to one route or way of doing things.
Uhm. Ok. Got it. I feel SOOOO much better about my day now! ….Wait, no. No, I don’t. I think I need to break this daily dose of wisdom down for myself so as to get the most out of it. “Latch on to the expansiveness that comes when u connect with others in a social arena.” Well, in obvious terms, being sociable will, no doubt, expand your ability to connect with others. It’s the “latching” part I can’t quite wrap my head around. It reminds me of that uber clingy friend. You know you have one. And if you don’t, you probably ARE the clingy friend. Apparently, according to my stars, I’m supposed to become a leach to every living person I come into contact with. Totally makes you want to come visit me, huh?!
“Communication is a key aspect of the day.” Gee, thanks. Isn’t communication a key aspect to EVERY day?? I would have liked it better if it had said Do not, under any circumstance, communicate with anyone today. At least then I would have been a little shocked and wondered if the sky was gonna fall if I said Hi to a stranger.
“If you go with the flow, you will land exactly where you need to be.” Sheesh, this one is just loaded with insight…or the lack thereof. Going with the flow generally gets one caught up with the wrong kinds of people, and ending up in the wrong places @ the wrong time. Ever heard of standing against the current?? Then again, coming at this from a bit of a different perspective, if we are serving an all-knowing God, then @ the end of the day, He’s put us where He wants us to be. “the flow” doesn’t have much to do with it.
“Take the adventurous route and skip around from one thing to another. There’s no need to pin yourself down to one route or way of doing things.” Is it just me, or does this scream “ADD/ADHD”? It’s just fine to switch things up a bit to keep from getting bored, but it certainly doesn’t fit with my day. I’m currently @ work, and if I just decide to do my paperwork upside down, or fill things in on different columns, I’m pretty sure my boss is gonna be a little annoyed. (This did sort of make me want to do it upside down just to see what he would say).
That was a waste of time, but GOOD NEWS!!! I can click on yesterday’s horoscope. Technically, since yesterday is in the past, and my horoscope is supposed to help me determine my future, we can make a judgment on the accuracy of the horoscope right? Before I see how the horoscope reads for yesterday, I’ll tell you what I did with my day. I got up and went to the Mennonite Farmers Market in Delano, came home, and spend the ENTIRE day in the kitchen making Salsa. Ok. Ready. Set. HOROSCOPE!!! …….
Your life is likely to enlarge today, Aries, either through a new group affiliation or people you meet. You may be invited to a party where a whole world of new and exciting events opens up to you. You may be reunited with a good friend from your past who can open all sorts of professional doors for you. Be receptive to anyone and everyone you meet.
Well, I DID communicate with several male members of the Mennonite Community. And by communicate, I mean say things like “Please”, “Thankyou”, and “Yes, we are using these gazillion peppers to make salsa today.” (I promise I didn’t just randomly blurt that last part out. He asked if I was doing something specific with them…and I didn’t ACTUALLY use the word “gazillion”.)
Holy Crap, Batman!! I just had a revelation!! On the way home, Mom and I were contemplating the benefits of joining the Mennonite’s, and she made a joke about my becoming their resident Salsa Maker. THAT must have been the “good friend from your past who can open all sorts of professional doors for you”. Maybe I should take up this horoscope thing….. or not.