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Yesterday, while trying to help my mom out, I took her car to the shop. It was overdue for an oil change and tire rotation. She had been out of town all week and was crazy busy. Seeing as how she let’s me live with her for free, I figured I would take care of this errand for her. Besides, I needed new tires put on my own car, and decided I could compare prices since my mom doesn’t use the same repair place I do.

Maybe I should reconsider repeating this particular errand. This is what happened:

I pulled into the parking lot in my mom’s truck. Yeah, she drives a truck. She’s cool like that.

There are four men standing outside one of the bay doors who glance in my direction as I pull into a parking space. As soon as I step out of the vehicle, they all turn around and gawk as I walk into the building. No one waved. No one spoke. They just stared. At least they didn’t point and laugh, I suppose. There is a right way and a wrong way to “notice” a woman. Staring is usually a bad idea. I’m just sayin’…

Upon walking in the door, three more men are standing around the counter chatting away. One of them kindly asks if he can help me. I give him the keys to the truck, tell him what I need done, and make my way to the waiting area which is thankfully out of view of any of the previously mentioned stares in my direction.

I was the only customer there, so with any luck, they’d be done quickly so I could get on with my day. No such luck.

I perused magazines, read a few emails from my phone. Waited….. waited….. waited some more….

A guy walked through the room in which I was seated, and appeared to be headed towards another part of the building. On his way through he said “Hey, how are you?”

Not wanting to be rude, I answered, “Fine thanks.”

He kept walking to the other room.

Fifteen seconds later, he was back.

Him: I had to get the oil changed in my truck.

….. Craaaaaap, he wants to talk….and not to be overly judgmental, but he looks like this guy…. minus the bow tie, add tacky t-shirt and rebel flag belt buckle: 

Me: Oh.

Him: What are you here for?

….don’t be rude, don’t be rude, don’t be rude….

Me: Getting the truck serviced.

Him: Which one are you drivin’?

Me: The Ridgeline

Him: Really?!

Me: Yep

……why is it guys who approach me never look like Colby from Survivor / Top Shot….. Sigh….

…back to reality…

Him: Can I ask you a question?


Me: Yeah…

Him: Why isn’t your husband here getting your vehicle serviced?

… wow… subtle, dude.. real subtle… 

Me: I’m divorced.

Him: Wow! Seriously? But you seem like such a nice person!!

…. if only you knew what I’m thinkin….

Him: So… do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Nope

Him: Really?!?!

(as he starts to inch closer to where I’m sitting)

Me: Don’t want one

…..Geez if I was gonna lie, I shoulda done it sooner! the boyfriend question would have been a great place for a lie to end this conversation!

Him: Now come on, we ain’t all bad!

Me: Yes you are.

Him: *blank stare like he can’t believe I just said that with a straight face* ….. No we ain’t! I’m just a good ole’ country boy! You need to find you one like me.

Me: Right

Him: I’m serious! I’m a local. Hey what are you doing saturday?

Me: Congrats on that. I divorced a local too.

Him: Well here, I’ll prove I’m a good guy!

(the whole time he’s been inching closer to me, and now he’s seriously invading my bubble) 

He proceeds to pull out his cell phone, and mess with it for a few seconds. He turns it around so I can see the screen.

Him: See, this is my girlfriend! I treat her like gold!

Me: Really…. Can I talk to her?

Him:…. Wh…whaaat?!

Me: If you treat her so well, then you wouldn’t mind me getting a little verification that you’re a good guy right?

Him: …Blank stare…. 

It still makes me laugh that he asked what I’m doing saturday and then pulls out his phone to show me a picture of his girlfriend. I’m sure he was just going to invite me to a Bible study…….

At some point during this mess of a conversation, I’d texted a friend and said “CALL ME! NOW!”

The phone rang… Rescued!! Thank goodness!!