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Have you ever wanted to reach through a computer or a phone and smack the crap out of someone? 

No? Just me?

Irritating Scenario #1:

…… with a male friend…emphasis on FRIEND. He has a habit of getting really attached, really fast. To anyone female. We had a rather uncomfortable conversation recently where I was forced to get downright rude that this was NOT going to turn into a romantic relationship. NOT HAPPENING. EVER. It wasn’t the first time we’d had that particular conversation, and while I wasn’t mean initially, I thought I was really quite clear about the lack of relationship possibilities with us.  However, as I have previously established, guys are complete morons can be more dense than a Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde. They hear what they want to hear, and interpret as necessary. (….women aren’t really off the hook. We totally pull this crap too, but that’s irrelevant off topic). So I got nasty. Forceful. In-your-face-not-nice-Andi. We didn’t speak for a week or so. Then I get a random text..about nothing earth shattering, so I responded. Back and forth for a few mins. No big deal. Then out of the blue….

Him: I miss you

WHAT??? You can miss friends. I get that. But was it a completely inappropriate comment given the previous conversation? YES. And what is the expected response to an “I miss you” text? It’s “I miss you too”. Duh. Only I don’t miss him. And even if I did, I wasn’t about to open up that line of communication given his past behavior. So I said….

Me: Sry

Yeah, I didn’t even spell out “sorry”. I could have said “Ok”, but that didn’t feel right either. What was I supposed to do?! 

Him: Really? I know you better than that.

W.O.W! Clueless much?

Note to all you gentlemen out there. DO NOT EVER ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT SHE’S THINKING! and if you do, be prepared to be very, very wrong. Furthermore, if you do think you know what she’s thinking, it’s not smart to voice it unless you can literally telepathically hear her thoughts.

Needless to say, we aren’t talking. Again. Which speaks to one of the reasons why I wouldn’t consider dating him in the first place. It’s like dealing with a woman. I’m not a lesbian for a reason! Besides the obvious reasoning, that is way too much estrogen in one relationship! I have no desire to be with a guy who 1, claims to listen, but literally hears nothing, and 2, has more emotional instability than a meth addict on her period!

Irritating Scenario #2

I had emailed back and forth with a guy from one of the dating websites for a few days, but it got to the point that he was offended when I didn’t email him back immediately, and when I didn’t email him first thing in the morning or last thing at night.  Annoying much? and his favorite line during instant message conversations was “What’s on your mind?”

…well Gee, if I answer that question honestly, “I’m watching Survivor, and I’m thinking that these people seriously need to make fire or they are going to die. Speaking of fire, it is freezing in the living room! I hope it’s not cold tomorrow. I hate the cold. You know what else I hate? Boys. Boys who ask stupid questions!”  That is literally how my brain operates if there is nothing specifically “on my mind” at that moment. It’s just a constant, random connection of thoughts which make sense in my mind, but not so much in anyone else’s.

Andi’s tip of the day: Don’t ask a woman “what’s on your mind” unless you are looking right at her (or are on the phone and can hear it in her voice) and can tell something is bothering her.

Otherwise, “What’s on your mind?” is another cop-out conversation starter. It’s nearly as irritating as those stupid Winks and Smiley Face options that dating websites so readily provide. It’s just a glorified version of “what’s up?”. He swore it was just him wanting to listen, to be attentive, to prove he cares about what I’m thinking. Good qualities? Yes. But I shouldn’t have to carry the conversation. I get that I’m a moody and generally irrational woman, but is it so impossible to think I may not have anything to be ticked off about? Or maybe, just maybe, since this is over the internet, and he’s 850 miles away, I don’t want to discuss the difficulties of my current life. Maybe I don’t want to have to come up with the conversation topic EVERY time we speak!

So I told him this wasn’t going to go anywhere. He didn’t understand, but I wasn’t going to try to explain it. Sometimes it’s not worth the trouble.

Am I completely irrational?

Do you want to reach through the computer and smack me now? 

Do you feel bad for the poor soul who dares to actually date me? Yeah… me too. But I’m fun when you don’t make me crazy… No pressure 🙂 

By the way….there are some guys out there who are worth the time and effort, but those aren’t the fun ones to write about.